I write this post with you in mourning, mourning for the pride that surrounds so many of our hearts.
Not only is pride the root of all sin, but it is the beginning and the end of the fall...the hardest of sins to let Christ conquer.
I must share with you a part of me that had to come into the light to start to be redeemed. One thing that is so very easy for me to get caught up in is transforming my mind. I want knowledge of Christ. About a year ago, it was really to a more extreme point, but a few months ago I had these really bold things brought to my attention. This desire to learn was so good to have, and it didn't seem like it was a bad thing, but this wanting to know more spiritually got me stuck in my head. I am a thinker. Men and women can both get caught up in this, but women naturally tend to think...a lot. Wanting a transformation of mind, I forgot the true authentic transformation of heart that needed to take place. Yes, intellect is important, but it is not thinking that will get us to Heaven, it is Loving that will get us to Heaven. I thought that to know Christ I must learn about him through my intellect. This is such a source of pride for so many Christians. This quickly diminished the childlike faith that I was meant to have. My faith had been brought from heart to mind, diminishing the tranformation of heart more and more. This transition to wanting to know more, wanting to understand, leads to a lack of love and trust in heart. The transformation of our hearts is ALL that matters.
Let me repeat: The desire of wanting knowledge of Christ is SO good, but that knowledge of Christ will come from He and Mary teaching your heart how to be stripped rather than an extreme focus on documents and doctrine.
A serious question that we can ask ourselves is: Do profound words or words of sincerity strike me more? When I read or hear someone say something profound and intelligent, is my heart stricken more than if I read or hear someone say something of true sincerity? If so, this is disordered.
To have intelligent and profound words mean absolutely nothing if it does not come straight from the heart. The words that come from the heart of a man are to be cherished much much more than the words that come from the brain of a man.
If we are stuck in our intellects, how can we possibly let Mary teach us how to be tender? There is no room or time for pride. Allow your heart to burn and be stripped, even if it has to be done so slowly. I can tell you; I am weak. It takes me much time to receive and to give with sincerity but we must strive to do just that.
I numb myself. It's become a habit for so many of us, but the saints knew how to desire and desire and desire all over again. Whatever the emotion in our hearts, I pray that we stop trying to numb them and start letting our hearts both ache and praise and love in tenderness. It's so easy to think about God. To spend time in the chapel thinking, but how often do we go in loving and letting our hearts beat hard in our chest. That heart beat will reach the Heavens. To know God isn't to think about God but to love Him and meet His heart.
It's thought that to be spiritually mature is to be reserved, in control, and intelligent. Sometimes that may be necessary, but do not forget the love of a child that Jesus says we must have. I can promise you that when I am most free is when I am like a child. Spiritual maturity is to be most free to love. When I am loving most is when I stop thinking so much and start letting go. Christ and Mary like to take over for us when we begin to let go. Do everything in love and you will not have to worry about pride. If you are stuck right now, you are not alone. Mary will break down the walls of pride surrounding your heart.
Reflect on what it means to be childlike. Reflect on the Child Jesus! Innocent, playful, loving. I believe that if Mary and Jesus would have had snow, they would have been the first to throw snowballs. When they went to the beach, they were the first to jump in the waves. They were filled with laughter with their friends, always smiling in sincerity and with such joy. They did not over think life, but loved life and the people around them... and they had a lot to come that they could have been thinking about. But they took each other by the hand and lived in joy. This. This is where Jesus wants our hearts. It will start with desiring what Christ desires, weeping for what Christ weeps for and falling in love with every soul that we encounter. Jesus, teach us how to weep! We are weak children.
Having a childlike faith is not a virtue that decreases, but rather increases with maturity in the spiritual life.
"Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven." Matthew 18:4
"Please don't take yourself so seriously. Remember that you are but dust. Put that pride in your pocket." -Mother of Anne Marie Schmidt
"Let my eyes stream with tears day and night, without rest, over the great destruction which overwhelms the virgin daughter of my people, over her incurable wound." Jeremiah 14:17
"I have come that they might have life and have it to the full." John 10:10
